On How To Scream Silently

There are folks who cannot conceive of my ever having been depressed. And it's not because they're blind or uncaring; they've simply only seen my eternally sunny optimistic side. Or should I say my carefully maintained facade?

Cos unfortunately, I was that person - the high-functioning depressive. The one that always held it together even when my world was coming apart at the seams. This, my friend, is why needle and thread were invented. A nip here, a tuck there, and the invisible girdle that holds you in a vice-like grip of "You've got this!!!" is good to go.

So okay, on bad days you might need some super glue, but only as an extreme measure. Bottom line, if you've been diligent, you're ready to show up at a moment's notice. This, after all, is what life is about. Turn up, do your part, and suck "whatever-the-hell-is-making-you-feel-like-a-piece-of-crap" up.

But this is too long a story to tell when asked, "How did you know you were depressed?" Or, "Perhaps you just had a few bad days..."

So instead I reply, "Well, for the longest time, Edvard Munch's 'The Scream' was my favourite painting. And the one film I totally related to was 'Falling Down'."

Eyes widen, mouths close, and we change the topic.

However, there are those who can't speak about the beast in the past tense.

For whom a blank wall is more comforting than a stranger's face.

For whom voicemail is safer than a chat with a loved one.

For whom hope is promised to everyone else but them...

And quite honestly, neither do I really. It is the nature of the beast to hover in the background, waiting to pounce at opportune moments - which makes it so difficult not to succumb.

I am therefore thankful, beyond measure, for the nature of God. His omniscience means that even as the negative thoughts are flooding my brain, He knows, and His grace and goodness and mercy wash them away.

How wonderfully we are encouraged...

Pour out all your worries and stress upon him and leave them there , for he always tenderly cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7 TPT)

If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28 CEV)

May it be so for all whose minds are troubled and for whom weariness is a second skin.

In Jesus' name.

P.S. To hear a discussion on this topic, please listen to: Mental Ill-health: A Silent Killer on the podcast page.